After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
