We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
