Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
pray to the hookup gods
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
