Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
