i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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