HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
