He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
