You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize