you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize