So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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