I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
