It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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