my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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