That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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