I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
