I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
