well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
