I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
