i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
