Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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