my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
