Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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