I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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