she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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