If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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