I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
