I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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