She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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