I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
