I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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