She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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