you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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