thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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