so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
