you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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