Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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