Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
