I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
