girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize