Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize