he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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