Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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