420 ftw
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize