I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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