i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
