this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
