Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
