Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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