You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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