to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
