I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
