Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
