If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
