the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
