I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
