my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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