One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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