Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
