what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
