2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
