One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
