if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
