Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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