Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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