He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize