So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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