he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
