WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
